Anyway, today's entry is on Love.
Sounds cliched right? Well, maybe it is.
Anyhow, this topic was picked due to it being the topic of conversation with friends.
Try and recall, just how many people whom you've recently met and barely know, have been at the receiving end of a "So, are you in a relationship?", from you?
How is it, that being in a relationship is more important than actually loving the person you are in a relationship with? Why do people get into relationships for "time pass"? Have they not heard of better things, known to most as hobbies, to while away their time? And please do explain, exactly how does playing with someone's feelings constitute time pass?
Any way, enough of this ranting.
I wondered just how many people, both guys and girls would be ok with being in a relationship with someone elder and younger respectively, to them?
I expected that the guys would scoff at the idea of dating a girl elder to them, but surprisingly and refreshingly, the assumption fell on its head and the girls were pretty open to the idea of dating someone younger than themselves, too (Not that the word "cougar" didn't rear its ugly head once or twice, but still.).
It goes a long way to show, that there exist people who want a relationship for real, in which both people are equals, irrespective of their age and maturity, and, most importantly love and respect each other.
As we continued to talk along those lines, people came up with their "types" and talked about how they didn't feel "that way" about anyone and that got me wondering as to what my type would be?
And, for the umpteenth time in my life, I did not have an answer to the question.
I did have a long list of characteristics which I'd like in my guy,which kept narrowing down till very few were left. They just described a basically genuine and good person. Not a perfect person, without any issues in life, but a real person with his fears, strengths and hopes.
And then I wondered, "What would this elusive 'That way' mean to me?
Going by the list of woes that a lot of committed friends have confided in me, I came up with a list of what I'd want and what I'd not, in a relationship.
So, without further ado, I now present to you, my list of feeling "that way" and showing it too a.ka. the DO's and DONT's of a relationship :
1.Love doesn't mean holding on. It means setting free the object of your affection.
2. That doesn't mean you give up without a fight when things get tough.
3.Trust the person you love. Nothing is more irritating or disheartening than a suspicious boyfriend/girlfriend.
Just because someone cheated on you once doesn't mean that the next person to come along will do that too. Give them a chance. Do not let your past colour your future.
4. Yes, do protect the person you love. And let them know that they are wanted. But being over-protective and over-possessive sucks. You'll probably just end up driving away the object of your affection. People want and need to learn from their mistakes. You can't always protect them from everything in the world without killing them from boredom and irritation.
5. Yes, of course, you do want to know whether your love ate or not, what they did all day etc. etc.
That doesn't mean you interrogate them like the CIA or ask them to provide you with a detailed POA for the day, akin to the US President's tour itinerary. Remember, they aren't your life and neither are you their life, irrespective of what all those urdu poets and hindi song and scriptwriters have been saying all this while.
You are both a part of each other's lives and that's how it should stay. Being single is much better than a stifling, control-freaky better half. Respect the space and privacy of the person you love.
6. That doesn't mean you stop being interested in their life. Just respect their time,space and decision making abilities. (Yes, those abilities are very much there, irrespective of how much you doubt their presence at times.) :P
Also, their independence.
7.Just as guys are scared of talking about the future and committing to something, so are girls. Talking to her about marriage and kids when you've been dating her for 2 months is just as intimidating for her as it would be for a guy.Stop it.
8.Do not put undue pressure on him/her to say "I Love You" by telling him/her so ten times a day. Saying those words too often makes them loose their essence. Savor them and say them only when you truly mean them.And even if you truly mean them all the time, save them for special occasions as the cherry on top.
The object of your affection will say it when they truly mean it.
9. That doesn't mean you hesitate to tell the person in question that you love him/her, once in a while. Everyone deserves to know that they are loved. And who knows what may happen in the future.Just make sure that you don't get stuck in a situation where you didn't get to tell someone that you loved them and then lost the chance forever (one of my perpetual fears and hence the reason why I keep telling people that I love them).
10. Your gf/bf isn't responsible for either your moods or improving them. So stop blaming them. They will be there to listen when you need it. They'll always be there to help, if only you ask. They love you and will try everything in their power to help, but sometimes they just can't. Stop blaming them.
11. Do not try to curb his/her freedom. We girls have our guy friends and wee need them too and vice versa.
And jealousy upto a certain extent is fine, healthy even. But beyond that it is just plain creepy
12. Also, just because he/she didn't tell you something first and told it to someone else instead doesn't mean you aren't special. And if he/she hates PDA but doesn't mind hugging other guys in public, it doesn't mean either that he/she is an easy lay or that he/she is cheating. Maybe they just don't just don't like PDA. That's it.
13. Do not try to change the person you claim to love, because it is not love if you try to change them.Love them with their flaws and idiosyncrasies. That's what keeps the spark alive. Otherwise you'll just end up creating a boring clone of yourself. Do not love your image of the person. Love the real person as it is.
14. Remember that love is capable of changing forms without reducing its intensity. So, if you break up, doesn't mean your ex can't love or care for you or that the person is lost to you. You can always be friends if you have the guts.
15.And last, but definitely not the least "STOP OVER-THINKING". It is your mind that creates half the things that cause fight between you guys. They don't exist for real.
P.S Sorry for the grammar. I know it is pathetic and the grammar Nazi in you is silently strangling me, but hey, its late and I am sleepy!
P.P.S the picture is because no one says things, just the way they are better than Calvin and Hobbes.
Till later!
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